Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Boy: Those clothes are very becoming on you!

- Girl: Why thank you!

- Boy: Of course, if I was on you...

I would becoming too!

What do you do in case of fallout?
→ Put it back in and take shorter strokes!

A woman in the labor ward of the general hospital, legs spread wide, lets out a loud yell and out pops a little black head.

- There was this black guy once - she said to the midwife. Then she screamed again and out pops a yellow body.

- That must be the Chinese guy I slept with - she said. Then one more scream and the baby's white legs were born.

- Ah - that was the husbands bit - she said.

The doctor held up the multicolored baby and gave it a slap, then baby started crying. The woman looked at the doctor & said:

- Thank fuck for that, I thought it was going to bark !!!

How does Herpes leave the hospital?
→ On crotches.

How is sex like air?
→ It's no big thing unless you aren't getting any.

The company president called the chief security guard into his office. "Chuck, we've received a complaint from one of the employees that you are making obscene sexual comments and putting your hands where they don't belong. These unwanted advances will have to stop." Chuck looked down at his feet and mumbled, "I'm sorry, Sir. I won't do it again." The company president said, "I'm sure Ms. Jones will be happy to hear that." Chuck's face lit up. "Ms Jones?!!!! I was afraid that Bob in Accounting was complaining!!!!"

The newly married man came home from work to find his new bride stretched languorously on the sofa, dressed in a negligee.

- Guess what I got planned for dinner? - she asked seductively.

- And don't you dare tell me you had it for lunch today.

The little boy comes home from school and asks mom, "Where do babies come from?" Not wanting to get into the discussion of sex at such an early time she replies, "From the stork of course!" The little guy thinks for a few seconds and then asks, "But mom, who fucks the stork?"

Two lesbians were standing at a bar drinking when another girl waved from across the bar. "Who is that babe?" one said to the other. "I'd sure like to get her spread out on my sheets." "No you wouldn't," said the other. "She's hung like a doughnut."

What's the definition of a real loser?
→ A guy who has a wet dream and gets HIV.