Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

A hundred prostitutes in Washington D.C. were asked if they would ever sleep with President Clinton. 60% said, 'Never again!'

What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?
→ Firetruck

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man.

So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Ram Pam Sim Wimm, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report:

Most honorable sir:

You leave house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she get on train. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree-look in window. He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. Fall out of tree, not see. No Fee.

"My girl, Ginger, is going to die of syphilis," mumbles an angry biker to one of his buddies. "No," says the friend, "people don't die of syphilis anymore." The angry biker replies, "They do when they give it to me!"

How do you tell if you are in a gay church?
→ Only half the congregation is kneeling.

Here's a pretty nasty one:

Why are they having such a hard time finding a cure for AIDS?
→ The scientists can't get the mice to butt fuck.

A doctor's advice to young bride regarding the use of the diaphragm: "Use it on every conceivable occasion."

A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her place for the night. Her parents are out of town and this is the perfect opportunity. They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom. When the guy walks in the door, he notices all these fluffy toys. There's hundreds of them, fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf and window sill, there's more on the floor, and of course fluffy toys all over the bed. Later after they've had sex, he turns to her and asks "So, how was I?" She says "Well ... you can take anything from the bottom shelf."

To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells her it'll make her fat.

- I won't do it any more, Mom - says the daughter. Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man.

- If I bite my fingernails, I'll be as fat as that, won't I Mom?

- You'll be fatter than that - says her mother. They get on a bus, and sitting opposite them is a very pregnant lady. The little girl can't take her eyes off the woman's belly. The pregnant lady feels increasingly uncomfortable under this stare, and finally leans forward and says to the little girl:

- Excuse me, but do you know me? And the little girl says:

- No, but I know what you've been doing...

The pretty secretary came in late for work the third day in a row.

The boss called her into his office and said:

- Now look Sharon, Iknow we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over. I expectyou to conduct yourself like any other employee around here.

The boss pressed on:

- Who told you you could come and go as youplease around here ?

Sharon simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said:

- ....

- My lawyer.