Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

A Russian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work and were deciding where to go for a drink.

The Irishman said:

- Let's all go to O'Learys. With every third round, the bartender will give each of us a free Guiness.

The Italian said:

- That sounds good, but if we go to Baldini's with every third round they bring a free bottle of wine to the table.

The Russian said:

- That sounds fine but if we go to Gouvstof's we drink for free all night and then go out into the parking lot and get laid.

- That sounds to good to be true! - the Irishman exclaimed.

- Have you actually been there?

- No, - the Russian replied, but my wife goes there all the time.

Did you know that a man is made up of many useless things?

- He has an Adam's apple that isn't an apple

- Two calves that will never become cows

- A nose bridge that doesn't lead anywhere

- A roof of the mouth that won't cover anything

- Twenty nails that won't hold a board

- A chest that won't hold linen

- Two boobs that won't give milk

- Two buns that won't feed anyone

- A belly button that won't button

- Two balls that won't roll

- An ass that won't pull a plow

- An organ that won't play music

- A cock that won't crow

What is the definition of Agony?
→ A one-armed man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls.

Robinson came home in great excitement and said to his wife:

- You'll never believe it, dear, but I've discovered an entirely new position for lovemaking.

- Really - said Mrs. Robinson, interested at once.

- What is it?

- Back to back.

- But that's crazy. We can't do anything back to back.

- Yes we can. I've persuaded another couple to help out.

Two kindergarten girls were talking outside: one said:

- You won't believe what I saw on the patio yesterday--a condom!

The second girl asked:

- What's a patio?

What is the difference between a toilet and Convienience Store Clerk?

A toilet only has to deal with one asshole at a time.

How do you tell if you're making love to a nurse, a schoolteacher, or an airline stewardess?
→ A nurse says: "This won't hurt a bit." A schoolteacher says, "We're going to have to do this over and over again until we get it right." An airline stewardess says, "Just hold this over your mouth and nose, and breathe normally."

Presidential Election'2000

Dear Abby,

I am a sailor in the US Coast Guard. My parents live in the suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Jersey City. I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for rape and murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of incest with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in the Bronx and indeed is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel. However her time there is limited, as we hope to open our own brothel with her as the working manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, at least it would get them off the street, and hopefully the heroin... Abby, my problem is this: I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her... Should I tell her about my cousin who voted for Bush?

Signed,
Worried about my reputation

How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity?
→ Her crayons are still sticky.

Why is the government like a prostitute?
→ Your always getting screwed and you have to pay for it!