Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

How do you make love to a fat girl?
→ Roll her in flour and go for the wet spot.

A priest and a lawyer are walking down the street and see a small boy eating an ice cream. The priest says, "How'd you like to fuck that?" To which the lawyer replied, "Out of what?"

Girl woke up in the morning after a party and found an Elephant in bed beside her.

She said:

- I must have been tight last night.

The Elephant said:

- You were the first time but second time wasn't so bad.

- When a customer comes into the shop, be very polite to them and try to put a little poetry into it when you're talking to them.

The youth says that he does not see what the pharmacist means by this, so the pharmacist says that he should observe when the next customer comes in and watch how he or she is dealt with.

Presently a middle aged woman comes in to the shop and asks for something for a tummy bug.

The pharmacist says:

- There's a lot of that virus going about, but this pink mixture should sort you out!

- Oh thank you very much! - says the middle aged woman and she leaves the shop.

So the pharmacist says the youth can serve the next customer while he goes to tea break:

- And remember to put some poetry into it - he says.

Anyway, the youth waits around and nobody comes in, so he decides to go to the restroom. Just as he's about to nip off, a young teenage girl comes in.

- Can I help you? - he asks.

She replies very embarrassedly that she would like to buy some sanitary towels, to which the youth replies:

- Hang on Miss, I'm dying for a piss, but I'll be back in a flash, with a sash for your gash!

In light of the latest allegations against President Clinton, Woodward and Bernstein of Watergate fame are in negotiations with publishers to write a new book about the scandal. Working title: "All the President's Women."

A first-grade class is having a game of Name That Animal.

The teacher held up a picture of a cat.

- What animal is this? - she asked.

- A cat! - said Eddie.

- Good job! Now, what is this animal?

- A dog! - said Eddie.

- Good! Now what animal is this? - she asked, holding up a picture of a Deer. The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said:

- It's what your mom calls your dad.

- A horny bastard - called out Eddie.

How can you tell if your college roomate is gay?
→ His dick tastes like shit.

The Makers of Viagra are announcing that they have developed a pill to increase lubrication in females. The pill will be called Niagra.

A woman went to a podiatrist complaining that her feet always hurt.

He immediately noticed that she was extremely bowlegged.

"Have you always been that way?" asked the podiatrist.

"No," she said, not until recently. "I've been fucking a lot doggie style."

"Well," said the podiatrist, "you are going to have to stop."

"I can't," she replied, "that's the only way my German Shepherd fucks."

Two sheepherders are perfoming unnatural acts with two of their herd simultaneously. One turns to the other, disgustedly, and says, "I hear they're doing this to women in Chicago!"