Ouch — best jokes

La Machine....vegetables...vvrrrrr...

La Machine....fruits...vvrrrrr...

La Machine....little children...

No mommy, No!...vvrrrrr...

La Machine.

When is it OK for a lady to slap a midget?
→ When they are slow dancing and he tells her how nice her hair smells.

Mommy, mommy: can I play with grandma?
→ Shut up kid, you dug her up twice last weeek!

Mommy, mommy: I hate daddy's guts.
→ Shut up kid and keep eating.

Did you hear that Oprah Winfrey was arrested at the airport for drug smuggling?
→ It seems she bent over and someone saw fifty pounds of crack....

Why don't cannibals eat comedians?
→ They taste funny.

How do you get a one armed MAN out of a tree?
→ Wave at him.

What's sicker than sick?
→ Masturbating with your grandma's ashes under your foreskin....

How do you cook vegatables in the microwave?
→ Take them out their wheelchair.

What is black and sits at the top of a set of stairs?
→ A quadraplegic in a house fire.

Gross is having to tuck your hemorrhoid into your sock so you won't step on it when you walk.