Language Jokes — best jokes

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Ida

- Ida who?

- Ida know.

What's the longest word?
→ Smiles!

Why?
→ Because it has a mile in it!

An Ancient Greek man walks into a tailor and holds up a torn tunic.

- Tailor: Euripides? (You-rip-e-dees)

- Man: Eumenedes?? (You-men-e-dees)

(Say it quickly, it works!)

Heard about the dyslexic pimp?
→ He bought a warehouse!

What is a dyslexic agnostic insomniac?
→ Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.

• An acher of bacteriologists
• A murmur of cardiologists
• A stain of cytotechnologists
• A rash of dermatologists
• A speck of forensic pathologists
• A poke of gynecologists
• A vessel of heart surgeons
• A clot of hematologists
• A nursery of obstetricians
• A dose of pharmacists
• A pile of proctologists
• A G-spot of sex therapists
• A stream of urologists

Dr. Dave's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.

The Polish Medical Dictionary:

• Anti-Body - against everyone
• Artery - study of paintings
• Bandages - The Rolling Stones
• Bacteria - what to do when treatment fails
• Botulism - tendency to make mistakes
• Bowel - letters lik A E I O or U
• Caesarean Section - a district in Rome
• Cardiology - advanced study of poker playing
• Cat Scan - searching for ones lost kitty
• Cauterize - made eye contact with her
• Colic - sheep dog
• Coma - punctuation mark
• Congenital - friendly
• Cortisone - the local courthouse
• D & C - where Washington is
• Dilate - to live long
• Enema - not a friend
• Enteritis - a penchant for burglary
• ER - the things on your head that you hear with
• Fester - quicker
• Fibrillate - to tell lies
• Genes - blue denim slacks
• Genital - non-Jewish
• Hangnail - coat hook
• Hemorrhoid - a male From outer space
• Herpes - what women do in the Ladies Room
• Hormones - what a prostitute does when she doesn't get paid
• ICU - peek-a-boo
• Impotent - distinguished, well known
• Inpatient - tired of waiting
• Labor Pain - hurt at work
• Medical Staff - a doctor's cane
• Minor Operation - coal digging
• Morbid - a higher bid
• Nitrate - cheaper than the Day Rate
• Node - was aware of
• Organ transplant - what you do to your piana when you move
• Organic - organ repairman
• Outpatient - a person who has fainted
• Paralyze - two far-fetched stories
• Pathological - a reasonable way to go
• Pharmacist - person who makes a living dealing in agriculture
• Plaster cast - the drunk roadies backstage at a rock concert
• Post-Operative - a letter carrier
• Protein - in favor of young people
• Recovery Room - place to upholster furniture
• Rectum - what happened to the Corvette
• Red blood count - Dracula
• Rheumatic - amorous
• Saline - where you go on your boyfriend's boat
• Secretion - hiding something
• Surgery - a reason to get an uninterruptible power supply
• Sterile solution - not using the elevator during a fire
• Tablet - a small table
• Terminal Illness - getting sick at the airport
• Tibia - country in North Africa
• Triple bypass - better than a quarterback sneak
• Tumor - an extra pair
• Urine - opposite of "You're Out"
• Varicose - nearby
• Vein - conceited

At an international meeting, two surgeons were having an argument. The Indian surgeon was saying, "No no no, I am telling you it is Woomba"

The African surgeon is saying, "No Man, it is Whoooooommmmmm"

They go on like this for about 10 minutes. Up comes the English surgeon, and interrupts them. "Excuse me chaps, but I do believe that the word you are trying to say is "Womb."

After he has gone away, the African turns to the Indian and says, "I bet you he has never even seen a hippopotamus, never mind heard one fart under water!"

On the wedding night of the newly wedded royal couple, they wanted to make sure everything was done according to proper etiquette. So she begins and says, "Sir, I offer you my honor."

He replies, "I honor your offer."

And that's how it goes all night. Honor, offer. Honor, offer. Honor, offer.