Celebrities — best jokes

How many Kennedys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
→ Four - one to hold the bulb, and three to drink till the room spins!!

The Secret Service got a real scare the other day when someone threw a beer at Bill Clinton during his morning jog.

Fortunately, it was a draft, so he was able to dodge it.

~WHAT DO YOU CALL A SPICE GIRL WITH TWO BRAIN CELLS? PREGNANT~WHAT DO YOU CALL A SPICE GIRL BEHIND A STEERING WHEEL? AN AIRBAG~WHAT DO YOU SEE WHEN YOU LOOK INTO A SPICE GIRLS EYES? THE BACK OF HER HEAD

Why does Clinton were underwear? To keep his ankles warm!

What is Green, Slimy, and Smells like Pork?
→ Kermit's Dick

Ha ha ha, very funny Scottie....

NOW BEAM DOWN MY CLOTHES!!

You know how Princess Diana and Mother Theresa died around about the same time? Well they both went up to heaven. St. Peter met them at the entrance to the pearly gates. He said "You both must show me something to prove your worth, going into heaven."

Mother Theresa went first. She walked up to St. Peter and lifted her habit and flashed her breasts at him.

He said "okay. Princess Di?"

Princess Di smiled and walked over into the corner, did a squat and pissed. St. Peter gave it careful consideration.

Finally he decided. "Princess Di. You're in. Sorry Mother Theresa, but a Royal Flush, beats two of a kind!!!!!"

Yo Mommas so fat that even Richard Simmons makes fun of her!!!!

President Clinton was seen walking around the White House one day recently. Laying across one shoulder was a pair of ladies nylon panties.

Nervously one White House Aide approach the President and asked about the panties.

"Oh those," Replied the President, "I'm trying to quit. That's the patch."

Stallone, Tony Danza, and Arnold Swarzanagger are all going to be in a musical about famous composers.

Stallone wants to be Mozart, Danza says he'll be Bethoven, and Swarzanagger says "I'll be Bach!"