Women Jokes — worst jokes

Besides "I love you", what three words does a wife want to hear most?
→ "I'll fix it."

What's the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary?
→ Get married on his birthday.

Tom and Jeni are having one of their occasional disputes of opinion. Tom took off his pants and threw them at Jeni, yelling, "Hey, woman, can you fill these pants up?"

"Of course not, you jerk. You know I can't."

"You're right. You can't. I wear the pants in this family."

So Jeni took off her panties and threw them at Tom, yelling, "Hey, jerk, can you get into these panties?"

"Hell no! They're too small and dainty!"

"And you won't either, until you change your treatment of me!"

Watching her mother as she tried on her new mink coat, the daughter protested, "Mom, do you realize some poor, dumb beast suffered so you could have that coat?"

Her mother glared back at her and said, "Don't talk about your father that way!"

Who needs a man!...

My dog growls at me every morning, my parrot swears all afternoon, my fireplace smokes a lot, my cat slinks home in the early morning hours, and I have a physician who looks me over regularly.

Gena is such a good wife. Why, just let her husband get home late at night and as soon as he enters the door, he gets his pipe, slippers, pajamas, robe, book, dinner, and if anything else is handy, she heaves that at him, too.

- Marriage counselor: Maybe your problem is that you've been waking up grumpy every morning.

- Client: No, I always let him sleep.

"Okay," said the wife, "I'll admit I like to spend money, but it's the only extravagance I have!"

The husband returns home one day and tells his wife, "Hi honey, look, I've bought the new Rolling Stones CD."

"Why did you do that?! We don't even have a CD player!" replied the wife..

"So what... have I ever asked why you keep on buying bras?"

There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!"