Women Jokes — worst jokes

How many blonde jokes are there?
→ One - the rest are all true.

In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth -- if you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror.

The brunette goes first.

"I think I'm the smartest woman on earth."

"POOF!" She disappears. The redhead goes up to try.

"I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth."

"POOF!" She disappears. The blonde goes up.

"I think--"

"POOF!"

One day 3 women went to the top of a water flume in a swimming pool. There was a black haired, brown haired, and a blonde haired woman.

When they got to the top a genie appeared from nowhere and said "when your going down the flume shout out the on thing that you want and you will land in it at the bottom."

So the black haired woman went down and shouted "money" and landed in a load of cash, the brown haired woman went down and shouted "gorgous men!" and landed in a pile of men.

The blonde woman wasnt listening to the genie so she went down shouting weeeeeee.

What kinds of people don't get invited to blonde parties?
→ Women!

A University had advertised for two biologists to help in their mammalogy department, specifically with a group of captive grizzly bears.
They had only two applicants - a beautiful young women biologist and an older male biologist.

The mammalogist in charge of the project knew that not everyone can handle working with such fierce creatures so he decided to test their skills with the bears. The two hopefuls followed him out to the bear pen.

He first asked the young women to show him what she could do.

She entered the cage, stripped down to her bikini, and the largest bear walked up and nuzzled her bare legs.

The astonished mammalogist then said to the old man, "Can you do that?"

"You're darn right I can," said the old man, "just get that bear out of there first!"

A math student who used to come to the university on foot every day arrives one day on a fancy new bicycle.
"Where did you get the bike from?" his friends want to know. "It's a 'thank you' present", he explains, "from that freshman girl I've been tutoring. But the story is kind of weird..." "Tell us!" "Well", he starts, "yesterday she called me on the phone and told me that she had passed her math final and that she wanted to drop by to thank me in person. As usual, she arrived at my place riding her bicycle. But when I had let her in, she suddenly took all her clothes off, lay down on my bed, smiled at me, and said: 'You can get from me whatever you desire!'"
One of his friends remarks: "You made a really smart choice when you took the bicycle." "Yeah", another friend adds, "just imagine how silly you would have looked in a girl's clothes - and they wouldn't have fit you anyway!"

- My boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful

- Well they do say that love is blind!

I can't understand why people say my girlfriend's legs look like matchsticks. They do look like sticks - but they certainly don't match.

- Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for your girlfriend improve her appearance?

- Man: It did for a while - then it fell off.

Julie had broken off her engagement. Her friend asked her what had happened. 'I thought it was love at first sight,' said Julie.
'It was, but it was the second and third sights that changed my mind.'