Random joke from this category
A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife about the problem. She responds, "My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."
The counselor turns to her husband and inquires "Is that true?" The husband replies "Well not exactly, she's the one that suffers, not me."
A young couple were married and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower.
He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride.
Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and stared and she asked shyly, "What's that?" pointing to a small part of his anatomy.
He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, "Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night."
And she, in amazement, asked, "Is that all we have left?"
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, "If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die".
On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor had told her.
"You're going to die," she replied.
The tri stages of sex in marriage-
A middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get married. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite and the bride says to her new groom, "Please be gentle... I am still a virgin." The startled groom says "How can that be? You've been married twice..."
The bride responds... "Well you see it was this way: My first husband, he was a psychiatrist, and all he ever wanted to do was talk about sex. Catching her breath, she says "My second husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do was............. Oh God, I miss him!"
Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband's insistence that they make love in the dark. Hoping to free him of his inhibitions, she flipped on her reading lamp one passionate night -- only to find a cucumber in his hand.
"Is THIS," she asked, pointing to the vegetable, "what you've been using on me for the last 5 years?"
"Honey, let me explain..."
"Why, you sneaky bastard!" she screamed. "You impotent son of a -"
"Speaking of sneaky," her husband coolly interjected, "maybe you'd like to explain our three kids."
A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night, the farmer feeling a little frisky, reaches over and gives his wife's breast a little feel and says, "Mother, if this could give milk, we could get rid of the cow."
His hand then travels down to her crotch, and he says, "Mother, if this could give eggs, we could get rid of the chickens."
His wife then reaches over and grabs his penis. "Father, if this could stay hard, we could get rid of your brother."
All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband. The husband was totally dumfounded and asks, "What was that for?"
Wife said, "Because, you are a bad fuck".
Couple of minutes later, the husband smacks his wife. This time, the wife was confused and asked, "And may I ask what's that about?"
Husband said, "Simple, because you know the difference."
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
We've been married a little over four years, and we just celebrated our "Wooden Anniversary."
Yeah, I asked my wife to blow me, and she wouldn't.
