Sex Jokes — worst jokes

A dentist friend of mine had a T-shirt which said on the front: Let me put my tool in your mouth... and on the back: ...and I will fill your cavity.

A man went to the dentist to get his teeth checked.

While he was sitting in the chair being examined, the dentist said to him, "Have you done oral sex lately?"

The man replied, "Why yes, I did this morning actually. How could you tell? Have you found a pubic hair stuck in my tooth?"

The dentist says, "No, not quite. You've got some shit on the end of your nose!"

- I have some good news and some bad news, which shall I tell first?

- Uhhh, well, give me the bad news first, I guess.

- You only have one week left to live.

- Oh no! What good news can you possibly tell me now?

- Well, you know that really hot-looking nurse who just came in here? I'm taking her out to dinner tonight, and who knows where the night will end!

- Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?

- Not really. It will just seem longer.

- Doctor, ya gotta help me. Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm.

- Really! What are you taking for it?

- (with a grin) Black pepper!

After her operation, the famous lady soap opera star was propped up in bed in her private room, as the doctor did his rounds. "Tell me, how are you feeling now?" he asked.

"A lot better, thank you," purred the star in reply. "But one thing does bother me. When will I be able to resume a normal sex life?"

"Oh, that's rather hard to say," said the doctor. "I've never been asked that after a tonsilectomy before."

A woman goes to her doctor complaining that she is exhausted all the time. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor gets around to asking her how often she has intercourse.

"Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday," she says.

The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday.

"I can't," says the woman. "That's the only night I'm home with my husband!"

A woman goes to the doctor complaining of bad knee pains. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor questions her, "There must be something you're doing that you haven't told me. Can you think of anything that might be doing this to your knees?"

"Well," she said a little sheepishly, "my husband and I have sex doggy-style on the floor every night."

"That's got to be it," said the doctor. "There are plenty of other positions and ways to have sex, you know."

"Not if you're going to watch T.V. there ain't," she replied.

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.

- What are you doing here today?

- Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it.

- Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25.

The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.

- Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?

- [shaking her head with mouth closed] Unh unh.

While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man's balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decides to replace the missing ball with an onion. Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup.

"How's your sex life?" the doctor asked.

"Pretty good," the man said, to the doctor's relief. But then he added, "I've had some strange side effects."

"What's that?" the doctor asked anxiously.

"Well, every time I piss, my eyes water. When my wife gives me a blow job, she gets heartburn. And every time I pass a hamburger stand, I get a hard-on!"