Relationships — worst jokes

Barry took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a secluded area around midnight, the girl said, "My mother told me to say no to everything."

"Well," Barry said, "do you mind if I put my arm around you?"

"No," the girl replied.

"Do you mind if I put my other hand on your leg?"

"N-n-no," the girl replied.

"You know," Barry said, "We're going to have a lotta fun if you're on the level about this."

On a first date, a guy escorts a girl home and asks:

- Guy: Can I come up for a cup of coffee?

- Girl: Actually, I never invite guys over on a first date.

The guy thinks for a minute and says: Well, what about the last date?

Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya going boy?"

The son smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue."

The Father said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no dang lantern."

"Sure Pa, I know." the boy said. "And look what you got!"

It was their first date, and she'd shown the patience of a saint as he babbled on and on about his hobbies, his pet peeves, his driving techniques, and even the standards he used to choose his barber.

Finally, he came up for air and said, "But enough about me. Let's talk about you." She breathed a sigh of relief.

He went on, "What do you think about me?"

"But this isn't an engagement ring." the young lady protested. "Why it's just a tiny unset diamond."

"Yeah! I know." said the fellow, "And, it'll be mounted in a cluster around a big one, the very day after you are."

If at first you don't succeed...
buy her another drink

- She: What do you love most, my natural beauty or my body?

- He: Your sense of humor.

The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored.
"What would you like to do next?" he asked.
"I wanna be weighed," she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guesser.

"One-twelve," said the man at the scale, and he was absolutely right.

Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, he bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he asked what else she would like to do.
"I wanna be weighed," she said.
I really latched onto a square one tonight, thought the young man, and using the excuse he had developed a headache, he took the girl home.
The girl's mother was surprised to see her home so early, and asked, "What's wrong, dear, didn't you have a nice time tonight?"
"Wousy," said the girl.

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams"

A man had a flat tire on a very cold winter day. He told his girlfriend he'd have it fixed in no time. However as it was very cold his hands kept getting cold. He asked his girl if he could put his hands between her knees to warm them. She said that would be allright. After getting his hands warm he went back to fixing the tire but it was so cold he could not continue so he again asked his girl if he could warm his hands.

She again said it would be allright. When his hands were warm he went back to fixing the tire once more. But before he been out there five minutes or so he again asked her if he could warm his hands.

His girl asked "Honey don't your ears ever get cold?"