Military Jokes — worst jokes

Why does the new Polish Navy have glass bottomed boats?
→ So they can see the old Polish Navy!

What do Israeli soldiers do when they get bored?
→ They go over to the West Bank & the Gaza Strip and get stoned.

How do you sink an Irish submarine?
→ Knock on the hatch.

What kind of dog wears a uniform and medals?
→ A guard dog!

Why is being in the military like a blow job?
→ The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

What do you call 1,000 heavily armed lesbians?
→ Militia Etheridge

A retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work for him as his valet.
"Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the army," the general said. "Nothing to it - you'll catch on again fast."

Next morning promptly at eight o'clock, the ex-orderly entered the ex-general's bedroom, pulled open the drapes, gave the general a gentle shake, strode around the other side of the bed, spanked his employer's wife on her bottom and said, "OK, sweetheart, it's back to the village for you."

A knight and his men returned to their castle after a hard day of fighting. "How are we faring?" asked the king.
"Sire!" replied the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies to the west."
"What?" shrieked the king, "I don't have any enemies to the west!"
"Oh!" said the knight, "Well, you do now."

What do you call a dentist in the army?
→ A drill sergeant!

A chemist, a shopkeeper and a teacher were sentenced to death by firing squad. The chemist was taken from his cell and as the soldiers took aim he shouted "Avalanche!" The soldiers panicked and in the confusion the chemist escaped. The shopkeeper was led out next. As the soldiers took aim he shouted "Flood!" and escaped. The teacher was then lead out. The squad took aim and the teacher, remenbering how the other two had escaped, shouted "Fire!"