Men Jokes — worst jokes

If a man says something in the middle of a forest, and there is no women around to hear him, is he still wrong?

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do anything with it."

"Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asked the second.

"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish and....'"

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"

- What's the problem, Eve?

- Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy.

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

- Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples.

- Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.

- What's a 'man', Lord?

- This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack.

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.

- Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition.

- What's that, Lord?

- You'll have to let him believe that I made him first.

How do you scare a man?
→ Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men:

"don't" and "stop".

Men are like animals: messy, insensitive and potentially violent, but they make great pets.

There are a lot of words you can use to describe men: strong, caring, loving.
They'd be wrong, but you could still use them.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Why do little boys whine?
→ Because they're practicing to be men.

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."