Marriage Jokes — worst jokes

- Moe: My wife converted me to religion.

- Joe: Really?

- Moe: Yes. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell.

The couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. "Elliot," she said, pointing "do you see that man downing bourbon at the bar?"
The husband looked over and nodded. "Well," the woman continued, "he's been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!"
The husband returned to his meal. "Nonsense," he said, "even that's not worth so much celebrating!"

Night. A sleeping couple is lying in a bed. Door bell rings. A couple wakes up.

- Woman: Quick! My husband is back!

Man jumps out from a window. Flying down he starts to think: "Shit! But I am the husband!"

- Wife: Who was that on the phone?

- Husband: Wrong number. Some guy thought this was the weather bureau.

- Wife: What did he say?

- Husband: He asked if the coast was clear...

A woman and her lover are on the bed in the woman's home, when all of a sudden, they hear the front door open and close.
"Oh, no, it's my husband!"
The man says, "Where's your back door?"
"We don't have a back door" says the woman.
The man then asks, "Well, where do you want a back door?"

A woman got a problem with her closet door - it was felling every time a bus was passing by. So she called a repair man. The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out every time when a bus passes by.
"OK, I am gonna see what is going on, just close the door behind me" and he stepps into the closet. At that time the husband comes from work, opens the closet and finds the repairman.

- Husband: What the hell are you doing here!

- Repairman: Well, you are not going to believe it, but I am waiting for a bus!

Miles Dobson was away from home on business in another city. When he called home, his wife told him, "Miles, they had your name in the obits today."
"What! In the obituary column! That's not only disgraceful but bad journalism. I'll sue 'em."
"Tell me, Miles," his wife asked tremulously, "wh...wh...where are you calling from?"

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles."
"She did," he replied. "But where in the hell was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"

The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after being sworn in as American citizens.
"It is wonderful," the husband exclaimed. "We are American citizens at last! Do you know what this means to us my dear wife?"
"Yes, you male chauvinist pig," his wife replied. "Tonight, you cook dinner!"

The angry wife met her husband at the door.

His breath stunk of alcohol and his face was plastered with lipstick. "I assume," she barked, "there is a very good reason for you to come drifting in at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is!" he replied, "Breakfast."