Language Jokes — worst jokes

What do you have when only one line dancer comes to your party?
→ A One Liner!

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community.... and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top which he had promised his wife.

So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him.

But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place".

The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.

- Ever have an accident?

- Nope, nary a one.

- None? You've never had any accidents.

- Nope. Ain't never had one. Never.

- Well, you said on this form you were bit by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?

- Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose.

Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. "I know that smart aleck Tex," said the first. "He's going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back."

"Not Tex," the second cowboy replied. "He'll always be just a good ol' boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello."

"I know Tex better than either of you," said the third. "He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now." Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted, "Audi, partners!"

- Camper: Look at that bunch of cows.

- Farmer: Not bunch, herd.

- Camper: Heard what?

- Farmer: Of cows.

- Camper: Sure I've heard of cows.

- Farmer: No, I mean a cowherd.

- Camper: So what? I have no secrets from cows!

Why is a burning candle like being thirsty?
→ Because a little water ends both of them!

A man was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked if he had anything to say in his defense. "They shouldn't put up such misleading notices," said the man. "It said FINE FOR PARKING HERE."

When do cannibals cook you?
→ On Fried-days.

- Bus passenger: I'd like a ticket to New York, please.

- Ticket seller: By Buffalo?

- Bus passenger: Of course not, I'm in the bus queue, aren't I?

- Cross-eyed monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver.

- Witch: Well, I won't stand in your way.