Language Jokes — worst jokes

OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just do it until it Hz
OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just lose contact
OLD ENERGIZER BUNNIES never die, they go on, and on, and on...
OLD ENGINEERS never die, they just lose their bearings
OLD ENGLISH MAJORS do it with Strunk and White
OLD ENVIRONMENTALISTS never die, they are just recycled
OLD ESKIMOES never die, they just get cold feet
OLD ESKIMOES never die, they just go cold
OLD EXORCISTS never die, they just give up the ghost
OLD FARMERS never die, they just go to seed
OLD FARMERS never die, they just spade away
OLD FATHERS never die, they just become grandfathers
OLD FISHERMEN never die, their rods just go limp
OLD FISHERMEN never die, they just get reel tired
OLD FISHERMEN never die, they just smell that way

OLD BASKETBALL players never die, they just go on dribbling
OLD BEEKEEPERS never die, they just buzz off
OLD BIKERS never die, but they're hard on tires
OLD BIOLOGISTS never die, they just ferment away
OLD BLONDES never fade, they just dye away
OLD BOOKKEEPERS never die, they just lose their figures
OLD BOOKS never die, they just go out-of-print
OLD BOWLERS never die, they just end up in the gutter
OLD BRAKES never die, they just grind down
OLD BRIDGE PLAYERS never die, they just lose their finesse
OLD BRIDGE PLAYERS never die, they just sit around on their fat aces
OLD BUDGETS never die, they are fillibustered
OLD BUREAUCRATS never die, they just waste away
OLD BURGLARS never die, they just steal away
OLD BUSINESSES never die, they just get consolidated

OLD CANNERS never die, they are preserved
OLD CARS never die, they just get run into the ground
OLD CASHIERS never die, they just check out
OLD CHAUFFEURS never die, they just lose their drive
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just do it inorganically
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just fail to react
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just lose their refluxes
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just reach equilibrium
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just smell that way
OLD CLEANING PEOPLE never die, they just kick the bucket
OLD COMPOSERS never die, they just decompose
OLD COMPUTER PEOPLE never die, they just lose their memory
OLD COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte the dust
OLD COOKS never die, they just get deranged
OLD COURIERS never die, they just keep on EXPRESSing it!

OLD CREDIT CARDS never die, they just expire
OLD CRICKETERS never die, they just get bowled over
OLD CRICKETERS never die, they just get smashed for six
OLD DANCERS never die, they just step away
OLD DAREDEVILS never die, they just get discouraged
OLD DEANS never die, they just lose their faculties
OLD DENTISTS never die, they just lose their pull
OLD DIETERS never die, they just waist away
OLD DIVERS never die, they just extend their bottom time
OLD DIVERS never die, they just flop
OLD DIVERS never die, they just get board
OLD DIVERS never die, they just lose their spring
OLD DOCTORS never die, they just lose their patience
OLD EDITORS do it with a red pen
OLD ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS never die, they just have slower rise times

OLD ACADEMICS never die, they just lose their faculties
OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just lose their balance
OLD ACCOUNTS never die, they are deleted
OLD ACTORS never die, they just drop a part
OLD ALCAHOLICS/DRUG ADDICTS never die, they just get wasted
OLD ANTHROPOLOGISTS never die, they just become history
OLD ARCHERS never die, they just bow and quiver
OLD ARCHITECTS never die, they just lose their structures
OLD ASSETS never die, they just depreciate
OLD ASTRONAUTS never die, they just go to another world
OLD ATOMS never die, they just decay
OLD BANKERS never die, they just lose interest
OLD BANKERS never die, they just want to be a loan
OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just go batty
OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just run their last lap

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: Able to whine in words

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."

What happens when people of different occupations get old.

• Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.
• Old actors never die, they just drop apart.
• Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.
• Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.
• Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.
• Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling.
• Old beekeepers never die, they just buzz off.
• Old bookkeepers never die, they just lose their figures.
• Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.
• Old cashiers never die, they just check out.
• Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive.
• Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.
• Old cleaning people never die, they just kick the bucket.
• Old cooks never die, they just get deranged.
• Old daredevils never die, they just get discouraged.
• Old deans never die, they just lose their faculties.
• Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.
• Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.
• Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.
• Old garagemen never die, they just retire.
• Old hackers never die, they just go to bits.
• Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.
• Old hippies never die, they just smell that way.
• Old horticulturists never die, they just go to pot.
• Old hypochondriacs never die, they just lose their grippe.
• Old investors never die, they just roll over.
• Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed.
• Old knights in chain mail never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils.
• Old laser physicists never die, they just become incoherent.
• Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
• Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under.
• Old mathematicians never die, they just disintegrate.
• Old milkmaids never die, they just lose their whey.
• Old ministers never die, they just get put out to pastor...
• Old musicians never die, they just get played out.
• Old number theorists never die, they just get past their prime.
• Old numerical analysts never die, they just get disarrayed.
• Old owls never die, they just don't give a hoot.
• Old pacifists never die, they just go to peaces.
• Old perfessers never die, they just lose their class.
• Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.
• Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane.
• Old policemen never die, they just cop out.
• Old preachers never die, they just ramble on, and on, and on, and on....
• Old printers never die, they're just not the type.
• Old programmers never die, they just branch to a new address.
• Old programming wizards never die, they just recurse.
• Old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away.
• Old schools never die, they just lose their principals.
• Old sculptors never die, they just lose their marbles.
• Old seers never die, they just lose their vision.
• Old sewage workers never die, they just waste away.
• Old skateboarders never die, they just lose their bearings.
• Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy.
• Old Soldiers never die. Young ones do.
• Old steelmakers never die, they just lose their temper.
• Old students never die, they just get degraded.
• Old tanners never die, they just go into hiding.
• Old typists never die, they just lose their justification.
• Walt Disney didn't die. He's in suspended animation.
• Old white water rafters never die, they just get disgorged.
• Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip.

Today's Stock Market Report: Helium was up, feathers were down.

Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.

Knives were up sharply.

Cows steered into a bull market.

Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing.

Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.

Weights were up in heavy trading.

Light switches were off.

Mining equipment hit rock bottom.

Diapers remained unchanged.

Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.

The market for raisins dried up.

Coca Cola fizzled.

Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.

Sun peaked at midday.

Balloon prices were inflated.

Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.

And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.

How careers end... Lawyers are disbarred. Ministers are defrocked. Electricians are delighted. Far Eastern diplomats are disoriented. Drunks are distilled. Alpine climbers are dismounted. Piano tuners are unstrung. Orchestra leaders are disbanded. Artists' models are deposed. Cooks are deranged. Dressmakers are unbiased. Nudists are redressed. Office clerks are defiled. Mediums are dispirited. Programmers are decoded. Accountants are discredited. Holy people are disgraced. Pastry chefs are deserted. Perfume makers are dissented. Butterfly collectors are debugged. Students are degraded. Electricians are refused. Bodybuilders are rebuffed. Underwear models are debriefed. Painters are discolored. Spinsters are dismissed. Judges are disappointed. Vegas dealers are discarded. Mathematicians are discounted. Tree surgeons disembark.

Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. Even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail.

He also was quite a spiritual person. Furthermore, due to his diet, he ended up with very bad breath.

He became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.