Kids Jokes — worst jokes

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"

"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny Billy?"

"Well miss, I just saw both of your garters."

Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks."

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you are going?" she asks. "Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"

A Sunday school teacher asked her first graders.

"Where is God?"

The room was filled with children that raised their hands to respond.

"Okay, Mary, Where is God?"

"He is everywhere,"

"Very good that's right."

But still there were two children that didn't put their hands down, so the teacher continued.

"Okay, Michael, Where is God?"

"God is inside me."

"Very good that's right."

Now there was one boy sitting in the back of the class waiving his hand. He was the last child with his hand up, so the teacher called on him.

"Okay, Danny, Where is God?"

"He's in our bathroom."

Well the teacher just had to ask, "How do you know he's in the bathroom?"

The answer came, "Every morning my father knocks on the bathroom door and says, "My God are you still in there?""

One day a little boy over heard his parents in the bedrooom arguing, "You bitch, your cunt is too hairy! Whell your dick is to small bastard!"

The boy was curious about these new words so he went in the room and asked what they meant. The startled parents did their best to get out of the situation, "You see son, bitch and bastard are what adults call each other sometimes and dick and cunt is a nickname we gave our coats." The boy shrugged his shoulders and went off to play. Later that day the boy was watching his dad shave. Suddenly his dad blurted out, "Shit" when he cut himself. The boy asked, "dad what does that mean?" and his dad cleverly replied, "That's the brand of shaving cream I'm using." So the boy wandered into the kitchen where his mom was preparing a turkey for company that evening. As he was watching, his mom burned herself on the stove and blurted out "Fuck". Again the boy asked the meaning and the frustrated mother snapped at him, "It's french for cooking now go awnser the door! The company is already here!" So the boy went, oopened the door, and put his new vocabulary to use, "Hello bitches and bastards, you can hang your cunts and dicks in the closet. My dad is still in the bathroom putting shit on his face and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

There is a child molester and a young boy walking through a deep remote forest. After a while the boy gets very cold and frightened so he says, "Mister i'm scared and cold, please let me go," the child molester cries out, "You think your scared I have to walk home alone!"

One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story.

The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell a story. Suzy said, "Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." Next is little Lucy. "Well, my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the story.

Lucy replies "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

Last is little Billy. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he drank the case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun but ran out of bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands". The teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story. Billy replies, "Don't fuck with uncle Ted when he's been drinking."

The Teacher tells the class they are going to play a game, she will describe an object and the students will tell her what she had described.

- Teacher: The first object is Red, Round, and has a stem.

- Timmy: I know what it is, it's an apple.

- Teacher: That's right, I like the way you're thinking. OK the next item is round, has a peel, and you eat it.

- Christopher: I know what it is, it's an orange.

- Teacher: That's right, I like the way you're thinking.

- Johnny: Can I try, Teacher?

- Teacher: Yes Johnny, but, Keep it clean!

Johnny sticks his hands in his pockets and feels around for a second, and says:

- Johnny: My object is round, hard, and has a head on it.

- Teacher: Alright Johnny, go to the office!

- Johnny: No Teacher, it's a quarter, but, I like the way you're thinking!

A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.' He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R."

The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?"

Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R."

Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?"

Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E."

"Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?"

Little Johnny says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore."

- Vicar: Whats that you're doing, Tommy?

- Tommy: Sticking bangers up frogs arses, Vicar.

- Vicar: Rectum, Tommy.

- Tommy: Blows 'em to fucking pieces, Vicar!

Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents' bedroom. He got out of bed and walked down the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it to the end of the hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroom light had gone on. Little Johnny walked into the bathroom and saw his father removing a used condom.

"Daddy, what are you doing?" asked little Johnny.

His father looked around nervously wondering what he could tell his son.

"I, um, I'm just checking out the bathroom for mice," replied his father.

Johnny looked at his father with a gaze of confusion and said, "Well, what are you doing? Fucking them?"

A youngster devoted an entire rainy indoors afternoon to a drawing he was doing with varicolored crayons. His mother finally looked over his shoulder, and, puzzled, asked "Who's that you're drawing, son?"

The son answered, "God."

"Don't be silly," reproved the mother. "Nobody knows what God looks like."

Not even pausing in his task, the son announced calmly, "They will when I'm finished!"