Kids Jokes — worst jokes

A young boy asked his mother "Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?" "Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?" replied his mother. The young boy answered "The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off his secretary."

Little Freddie said to Little Johnny, "My dad's tougher than your dad!"

"Oh yeah?" said Little Johnny, "My dad is so tough, he has lightbulbs for dinner!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, the other night I heard him tell my mom, 'Turn out the light, I wanna eat it!'"

Two young brothers, aged 5 and 6, are listening through the keyhole as their older sister is getting it on with her new boyfriend.

They hear her say, "Oh, Jim, you're going where no man has gone before!"

The six-year-old says to his brother, "He must be fucking her up the ass!"

A little girl asks her father, "Where do little girls come from?"

The father says, "They come from a hard-on."

The little girl then asks her father, "Where does a hard-on come from?"

The father says, "Little girls!"

A young girl is speaking with her father.

- Daddy, what's that between your legs?

- That's my hedgehog.

- Wow, it's got a massive cock.

One day a priest went into a public bathroom to use the stall. While he was on the toilet, he heard moaning coming from the stall next to him. He stood up to look over, and there was little Jimmy, sitting on the toilet masturbating.

The priest was shocked. He told Jimmy that he knew what he was doing in there and that he should save it for marriage.

Little Jimmy agreed to this only because it was coming from a priest. About a week later the priest ran into Jimmy at the mall and asked him how he was doing with his problem.

Jimmy replied, "Great, Father, I've saved a whole quart!"

Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, "Grandpa, are you going to take that new Viagra?"

Grandpa looks at him and says, "No Johnny, I will not."

"But Grandpa, why?" asks little Johnny.

Grandpa replies, "Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one worth writing to."

Two storks on a nest, a father stork and baby stork. Baby is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry Son, your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy."

The next night, it's father's turn to do the job.

"Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies."

A few days later, the stork parents are desperate, their son is gone from the nest all night. Finally, shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask their son where he had been all night.

Says the baby stork, "Awww, just scaring the shit out of college kids!"

A little girl goes into the toilet and sees her dad having a shower.

It's at that moment she spots his penis. Pointing at it she says...

"Daddy, daddy, when will I get one of those?"

The dad looks at the little girl, looks out the door, looks back at the little girl and winks...

"When your mommy goes to the mall!"

There were two people having sex in a car. They finished up and the guy threw the condom out the window. His girlfriend got mad at him, she wanted to go again. So he got out of the car and went to find the condom. He found that a little boy had found it and when he asked for it back the boy refused.

"C'mon," he begged, "I'll give u a dollar."

"Well," the little boy thought, "Okay."

So the little boy ran home.

"Mom, you'll never guess what just happened! I sold this guy a twinky for a dollar, but I tricked him. I sucked the cream out of it first!"