Ethnic — worst jokes

Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee, listening to the weather report coming over the radio.

"There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared," the weather report said. "You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets."

Ole says "Jeez, okay," and gets up from his coffee.

The next day they're sitting down with their morning cups of coffee and the weather forecast declares "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets."

Again, Ole says "Jeez, okay," and gets up from his coffee.

Two days later, again they're sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast says, "There will be 6 to 9 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the -"

Just then the power goes out and Ole doesn't get the rest of the instructions.

He turns to Lena and says "Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?"

Lena replies "Aw, Ole, why don't you just leave the car in the garage today?"

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.

The Italian customer agent stops them and tells them: "Itsa illegal to putta fiva people ina Quattro."

"What do you mean it's illegal?" asked the Englishmen.

"Quattro means four," replies the Italian official.

"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishmen says disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry 5 persons."

"You can'ta pulla thata one ona me," replies the Italian customs agent.

"Quattro means four. You hava fiva people ina your car and you are therefore breakin'a the law".

The Englishmen reply angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over. We want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"

"Sorry," responds the Italian official, "he can'ta come".

"He's a busy with two guys in a Uno".

Two Italian construction workers were in the field on an extremely hot day working. The one says to the other, "Hey, how come we do all a da work and he gets all a da money?" pointing to the supervisor. The other says, "I don't know, go ask him."

So Guido goes up to the supervisor and says, "Hey, how come we do all a da work and you get all a da money?"

The supervisor says, "Intelligence."

Guido says, "What is this intelligence?"

The supervisor puts his hand on a tree and says, "Hita my hand as hard as you can!"

Guido winds up and with all his might tries to hit the supervisor's hand. Just as he almost does the supervisor pulls his hand away and Guido hits the tree! The supervisor says, "That's intelligence."

Still smarting Guido goes back to his co-worker and his co-worker says, "Hey what did he say?"

With a sheepish look on his face Guido puts his hand on his face and says, "Hita my hand as hard as you can. . ."

Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout.

"You, your companies, and your countries are enemies of the Revolution," screamed the terrorist leader, "and you're going to be executed! Do you have any last requests?"

The Englishman spoke first.

"Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing "God Save The Queen" to all you men."

"That can be arranged," said the terrorist.

The Frenchman said, "And I want to honor my country before I die by singing "The Marseilles" to your men."

The Japanese said, "Before I die, I wish to honor my country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Japanese style of industrial management."

The terrorist turned finally to the American.

"What is your last request?"

The American replied, "I want you to kill me right now so I don't have to listen to another lecture on the Japanese style of industrial management!"

Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation?
→ He said, ''So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses!''

Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation?
→ He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."

Stay out of sight - Lei Lo

Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni

They have arrived - Hia Dei Kum

I am not guilty - Wai Hang Mi