Dumb Jokes — worst jokes

The problem with keeping an open mind is that all my ideas tend to fall out.

Did you hear about the blonde that stared at an orange juice can for 20 minutes because it said concentrate?

A brunette was walking on the railroad tracks saying, "21...21....21...." when a blonde jumped on. A train came and the brunette jumped off...the train hit the blonde. The Brunette then got back onto the tracks and started saying, "22.....22......22....."

One bright sunny day, a beautiful blonde girl was cruising the countryside in her new, shiny red sports car. Suddenly, she jammed on the brakes, and she brought the car to a sideways, screeching halt. She quickly jumped out of the car, and ran up the road a little way, to where she began fuming in anger.

For there, about 40 feet in front of her, in the middle of the road, were two other beautiful young blondes, sitting in a rowboat. One was on the middle seat, straining her arms and pulling for all she was worth on a set of oars, while the other was in the bow of the boat shouting through a megaphone, "Stroke! Stroke!"

So infuriated was the first blonde at these two and their foolishness, that she began pacing back forth on the pavement, throwing gravel and dirt at them from her place on the road, and she screamed at the top of her lungs, "You two are so stupid, and if I could swim, I'd come out there and kick both your behinds!!"

How do you get a one-armed nufie out of a tree?
→ Wave!

How do you get a two-armed nufie out of a tree?
→ Wave both hands!

A blonde's house is on fire. She calls 911 and says, "My house is on fire." The dispatcher says, "Well, can you tell me how we get there?"

"Duhhhh, in the big red trucks, of course."

A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a really big lighter.

He asks the man, "Where did you get such a big lighter?"

The man replies, "See that man playing piano over there? He's a genie and he'll grant you one wish."

So the guy walks over to the genie and says, "I wish for a million bucks." All of a sudden the room fills up with a million ducks.

The man walks over to the guy with the lighter and says, "That genie is a little hard of hearing isn't he." The guy replies, "no kidding"! "You think I asked for a 14 inch bic!"

Three women were being held in a foreign country. They were slated for the firing squad.

The commander yells, "Ready...
Aim..." and the brunette yells "Earthquake!!!"

Immediately the soldiers fall to the ground and in the confusion the brunette escapes.

The commander then tells his soldiers to get up. "Ready...
Aim..." and the redhead yells "Tornado!!!"

Immediately the soldiers fall to the ground and in the confusion the redhead escapes.

The commander then yells to his soldiers to get up. "Ready...
Aim..." and the blonde yells "Fire!!!"

A group of blondes walks into a bar, all excited and giggling. They order a round of drinks.

One of the blondes raises her glass and shouts excitedly, "51!!" "51!!" The other blondes echo. After they have finished their drinks, another round is ordered. Again, the blondes toast "51". This happens a few times.

Finally, the bartender speaks up. "Excuse me," He says, "But why do you ladies keep doing that?" "Well," Says one of the blondes, very bubbly, "We got a puzzle, right? And it said 2-4 years on the box. We finished it in 51 days!!!!!"

Some useful descriptions of people you may come into contact with from day to day.

1. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
2. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
3. A room temperature IQ.
4. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold them together.
5. A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.
6. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
7. Bright as Alaska in December.
8. During evolution, his ancestors were in the control group.
9. Fell out of the family tree.
10. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
11. Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
12. He's so dense, the light bends around him.
13. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
14. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
15. It's hard to believe that he beat 100,000 other sperm.
16. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.
17. Takes him a hour-and-a-half to watch "60 Minutes".
18. One burger short of a happy meal.