Random joke from this category
The social worker asked the bartender, "What's the difference between your job and mine?"
The bartender replied: "I only had to go to bartender school for 6 weeks and I learned to mix very good drinks, then wait a couple of hours to have people tell me their innermost thoughts, while you went to school for 6 years, paid thousands and thousands of dollars, sit session after session using technique after technique, and you still may never hear them!!!"
A man is captured by cannibals, every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food.
Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "Hey, you can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks!"
Which meatballs get a little tipsy on occasion?
→ The POTTED ones!
Why does a blonde keep empty beer bottles in her fridge?
→ They are for those who don't drink!
What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
→ "Have another beer."
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
→ They are both empty from the neck up!
What do you get from a drunk chicken?
→ Scotch eggs!
Garvin the mammalogist, was in Alaska studying polar bear. In sub-zero weather, he would spend 7 days out on the ice. But, after his 7 days in the field, he would return to the small town and spend a day or two resting up and drinking in the only bar in town.
On one particular day it was 40 below zero and Garvin made his way into the bar. He asked Bud, the bartender, for a whiskey.
"I don't know, Garvin, you sure have run-up a big bill in here." The bartender told him.
" I know," Garvin replied, "But I'm flat broke, and I sure could use a drink."
"OK," The barkeep told him, "I'll just write your tab down on the piece of paper and pin it up here by the coat rack."
"Oh no, don't do that, I don't want everyone in town to see it."
"Don't worry," The bartender replied, "I'm going to cover it up with your parka until its paid!"
- Your ugly.
- And you're drunk.
- Yes, but in the morning I'll be sober!
An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending so much time at the pub, so one night he took her along.
"What'll ya have?" he asked.
"Oh, I don't know. The same as you, I suppose," she replied.
So the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one gulp.
His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spit it out. "Yuck, that's nasty poison!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"
"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"
