Dirty Jokes — worst jokes

Did you hear about the doctor who had his license taken away because he was having affairs with his patients?
→ Yup, it's a shame because he was one of the top veterinarians in the country!

Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed a razor blade?
→ She gave herself a tonsilectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift!

How do you tell the difference between male chromosomes and female chromosomes?
→ Pull down their genes!

What is the difference between a hematologist and a urologist?
→ A hematologist pricks your finger.

A medical student is taking a test and one of the questions he sees is:

- Name the three best advantages of mother's milk.

The student immediately writes:

- One: It has all the healthful nutrients needed to sustain a baby.

- Two: It is inside the mother's body and therefore protected from germs and infections.

But the student can't think of the third answer. Finally, he writes:

- Three: It comes in such nice containers.

I was twelve before I realized I could cough without having a doctor hold my balls!

After making love, the woman said to the man:

- So, you're a doctor?

- That's right - replied the doctor smugly.

- Betcha don't know what kind of doctor.

- Ummm... I'd say that you're an anesthesiologist.

- Yep, that's right! Good guess! How did you know? - asked the guy.

- Because throughout the entire procedure, I didn't feel a thing.

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says:

- I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.

The husband, rejected but still quite horny, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

This time he whispers in her ear:

- Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?

A mature woman was in the pastorial study counseling for her upcoming fourth wedding.

- Father, how am I going to tell my husband that I am still a virgin?

- My child, you have been a married woman for many years. Surely that cannot be.

- Well, father, my first husband was a psychologist, and all he wanted to do was talk, and the next one was in construction and he always said he'd get to it tomorrow.

- The last one was a gynecologist and all he did was look. But this time, father, I'm marrying a lawyer and I'm sure I'm going to get screwed!

The brash young gynecologist, fresh out of medical school, took one look at his voluptuous new patient and abandoned his professional ethics entirely. As he stroked the supple skin of her naked body, he asked:

- Do you understand what I am doing?

- Yes - the patient answered.

- You're checking for dermatological abrasions.

- Correct - the doctor lied.

Next, he fondled her breasts long and lovingly. Again, he inquired:

- Do you understand what I am doing?

- You're feeling for cancerous lumps - she ventured.

- Very astute - the doctor complimented, getting more excited.

He placed the woman's feet in stirrups, dropped his pants, and slipped his member inside her.

And do you understand what I am doing now?

- All too well - the patient shot back.

- You're contracting herpes!