Random joke from this category
- Dad, can I ask you something?
- Sure! What about?
- You see, I'm already fourteen and... I think it's just proper that I should own one.
- And what is this 'one' you're referring to?
- Could you buy me a neat set of brassieres?
- No!
- My nipples are already prominent and it catches attention.
- Nope!
- It will be just proper at my age...
- I said no way...!
- But all of my friends wear...
- Timmy! How many times shall I tell you that bras are for girls!?
A white guy and a black guy died and were on their way up to Heaven and they had to stop at the Pearly Gates before they could enter. So the Angel Gabriel was there waiting for them, and he told them that they had to do something before they could go anywhere.
He told the white guy to pull down his pants, so he did and Gabriel grabbed his dick and squeezed. It instantly melted. The white screamed in pain, and was sent downstairs.
Gabriel told the black guy to do the same, and he grabbed his dick and squeezed but nothing happened.
When Gabriel asked him why it didn't affect him, he said, "This is the type of chocolate that melts in your mouth and not in your hands".
Sources close to President Clinton say he is proposing a new national anthem for the United States, "Yank my Dandy Doodle!"
It's the day after Christmas and young Johnny rides his new bike up to a stop light where a policeman on his horse is waiting for the light to change.
The policeman looks over at Johnny and says, "Got that bike for Christmas, sonny?"
The youngster responds, proudly, "Ya, Santa brought it for me."
The policeman then proceeds to write the young fellow a bicyle violation ticket for not having a reflector on the back bumper and hands it to him saying, "Well, next time you better tell him to put a light on it."
Johnny looks at the citation, looks back up at the cop and says, "And did Santa bring you that horse?"
Humouring the youngster, the policeman answers, "Why, yes, he did."
To which Johnny responds, "Well, next time you better tell him to put the dick underneath the horse, not on top."
Why did the condom fly across the road?
→ It was pissed off!!
What sexual position do you use to make an ugly baby?
→ Ask your parents.
This married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, "You, foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop." So the married couple walked in.
The Pakistani man said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was. The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"
The Pakistani man replied, "Just try them on." Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn't seen in many years--- raw sexual power. In a blink of an eye, the husband rushed the Pakistani man, threw him on a table and started tearing at the guy's pants. All the time the Pakistani man was screaming, "YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!"
What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?
→ MMmmmm, tastes like chicken!
So these three people are hiking in a forest, and all of a sudden these headhunters catch them and bring the hikers to the head headhunter.
The head headhunter says "If you want to live you must complete some tasks. First you must go into the forest, pick some fruits, and bring them back" So the hikers did that and came back.
The head head hunter said "Now you must take the fruits you picked and stick them up your ass."
So the first hiker has apples... Ok, apples it shouldn't be too hard. 1 up okay... 2 up the hiker starts screaming, so the headhunters chop off his head. The second hiker has grapes. Ok, grapes this should be easy! 1 up okay... 2 up fine... 3... 4 the hiker starts laughing like crazy! The headhunters chop off his head.
So the two hikers who got their heads chopped off are up in Heaven and the hiker who had the apples asks the hiker who had the grapes "What happened... you had grapes, I mean you got killed c'mon what happened?"
The guy who had grapes says, "Well the other hiker........ he........ he......... he had watermellons!"
TOP TEN things men would do if they woke up and had a vagina for a day:
Finally find that damned G-spot.
