Dirty Jokes — worst jokes

What's the difference between a bar and a clitoris?
→ Most men have no trouble finding a bar.

Who is the most popular man in a nudist colony?
→ The one who can carry 2 cups of coffee and nine doughnuts at the same time.

Who is the most popular woman in a nudist colony?
→ The one who can eat the last doughnut.

What goes in and out and smells of piss?
→ The Queen Mother

A small boy walks into his mothers room and catches her topless.

"Mummy, mummy, what are these?" he says, pointing to her breasts.

"Well, son," she says, "these are balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven."

Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied.

Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes into the kitchen.

"Mummy, mummy, Aunt Mary is dying!"

What do you mean? says his mother.

Well she's in the garden shed, lying on the floor. Both her balloons are out, Dad's blowing them up, and she keeps yelling "God, I'm coming! I'm coming!!!"

What does ADIDAS stand for?
→ All Day I Dream About Sex.

An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman. "Is there something in particular I can show you?" he asked.

- Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa.

"You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested.

"Sectional schmectional." she bitterly retorted. "All I want is an occasional piece in the living room!"

A middle-aged guy and his date are making out hot and heavy in the movies when his toupee slides off. As he's groping around for it, his hand goes between her legs, up under her skirt, and lands on her twat.

She says, "That's it! That's it!"

He says, "It can't be. I part mine on the side."

What's the difference between white onions, brown onions and a 14 inch dick?
→ Nothing. They all make woman's eyes water.

What's a real mate?
→ Someone who'll go into town, get two head jobs and gives you one... when he returns.

How do you tell two KKK members apart?
→ Ask their wife. After all, she's their mother....