Business Jokes — worst jokes

Why can't you keep secrets in a bank?
→ Because of all the tellers.

Why was the banker bored?
→ Because he lost interest in everything.

A monastery in the English countryside was having a hard time with its cash flow because of the dwindling number of monks available to help with all the work. Then one day two of the monks, who had been discussing the problem, suggested they open a fish and chips stand down on the highway, right next to a scenic vista area popular with tourists. The other monks agreed, and the two put up the stand. One day a tourist who wanted to offer a compliment asked the monk on duty, "Are you the fish friar?" "No, sir," retorted the brother, "I'm the chip monk."

At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. He immediately began paying her court and flattering her. The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch. She was amazed when, after 30 minutes, he seriously proposed marriage.
"Look," she reacted.
"We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other." "You're wrong," the young man replied. "For the past 5 years I've been working in the bank where your father has his account."

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $6,000. The loan officer was quite taken a back, and requested collateral. "Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safekeeping, and gave him 6,000. Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. The loan officer checked the records and told him, "That will be $6,000 in principal, and $18.40 in interest." The man wrote out a check, thanked the loan officer, and started to walk away. "Wait sir," the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow? The man smiled.
"Where else could I securely park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $18.40?"

A young banker decided to get his first tailor made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business. As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "Didn't you tell me you were a banker?" The young man answered, "Yes, I did."
To this the tailor said, "Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?"

A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, parked on the street, in front of the bank.

Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5000. and the interest which is $15.41.

The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us , is why would you bother to borrow $5000?"

The woman replied, "Where else in New York, can I park my car for 2 weeks for $15.00?"

A man went in to the bank and asked to see the man who arranged the loans.

'I'm sorry, sir,' said a cashier, 'the loan arranger is out to lunch.'

'Can I speak to Tonto, then?' asked the man.

What's the best way to increase the size of your bank balance?
→ Look at it through a magnifying glass.

- Bank manager: I'm sorry, sir, you can't open an account with this sort of money. They're wooden pieces!

- Lumberjack: But I only want to open a shavings account.