At Work — worst jokes

How do you know if your secretary's having a bad day?
→ Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil

Work Environment:

• (Wise manager) + (Wise employee) = PROFIT
• (Wise manager) + (Dumb employee) = PRODUCTION
• (Dumb manager) + (Wise employee) = PROMOTION
• (Dumb manager) + (Dumb employee) = OVERTIME

How do you get 20 vice presidents in a mini-van?
→ Promote one and watch the other 19 crawl up his ass.

How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.

A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman immediately goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains why. The supervisor is puzzled by this time and says, "What's wrong with the coworker telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "He's a midget."

Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done.

Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."

Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river (look, my suit's still damp), ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."

"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."

- Boss: My laptop computer is locked up. Can you help?

- Dilbert: Remember you have to hold it upside down and shake it to reboot.

- Boss: Oh, that's right.

- Wally: I wonder if he'll ever realise we gave him an "Etch-A-Sketch."

The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard at low pay for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad, "When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer." The apprentice did just as he told. Now he's the village blacksmith.

Life Insurance Agent: Don't let me frighten you into a decision. Sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the morning, let me know what you think.