At Work — worst jokes

How do you know when an accountant's on holidays?
→ He doesn't wear a tie to work and comes in after 8.30.

Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays?
→ They can wear casual clothes to work

When do accountants laugh out loud?
→ When somebody asks for a raise

How can you tell when the Chief Accountant is getting soft?
→ When he actually listens to Marketing before saying No

What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mouth?
→ His desk is level

What do actuaries do to liven up their office party?
→ Invite an accountant.

A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing. Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with renewed vigor, returns the envelope to the drawer, and then begins his day's work.

After he retires, the new accountant can hardly wait to read for himself the message contained in the envelope in the drawer, particularly since he feels so inadequate in replacing the far wiser and more highly esteemed accountant. Surely, he thinks to himself, it must contain the great secret to his success, a wondrous treasure of inspiration and motivation. His fingers tremble anxiously as he removes the mysterious envelope from the drawer and reads the following message:

"Debits in the column toward the file cabinet.
Credits in the column toward the window."

A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an accountant.

Her friend asks, "Didn't your company hire an accountant a short while ago?"

The business owner replies, "That's the accountant I've been searching for."

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?

How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Just one, provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.