At Work — worst jokes

Why do bakers work so hard?
→ Because they need the dough

Why did the janitor take early retirement?
→ Because he realized that grime doesn't pay.

Steve, Bob and Jeff are all working on some very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls off and is killed instantly. After the ambulance leaves with Steve's body, Bob and Jeff realise they'll have to inform his wife. Bob says he's good with this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do it. After two hours, he returns carrying a six-pack of beer.
"So, did you tell her?" Asks Jeff. "Yep." Replies Bob. "Hey, where did you get the six-pack?" "She gave it to me." "What?!" Exclaims Jeff. "You just told her that her husband died, and she gave you a six-pack?!" "Sure. When she answered the door, I asked her whether she was Steve's widow. 'Widow?' She said. 'No, no.. I'm not a widow. You must be mistaken.' So I said, 'I'll bet you a six-pack you are!'"

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.

Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.

He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is".

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded with the following account:

Chalk: $1
Knowing where to put it: $49,999

It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

How many applicants does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Only one, but 200 applied for the job.

How many tax advisors does it take to change a light bulb?
→ "In the summer there is a tax deductible convention in Hawaii, dealing exactly with this issue."

How many tax auditors does it take to find a $1.00 mistake in an expense report?
→ Three. One to find the mistake and two to discuss the significance of it.

How many social scientists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None. Social scientists do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.

How many librarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ "I don't know, but I can look it up for you."

Why was the horseman fired from his job of saddle testing?
→ He was always standing up on the job!