Animal Jokes — worst jokes

There are bats hanging of a branch upside down, all except one. Two bats comment:

- What's happened to this one?

- I don't know, two minutes ago he seemed normal and then he fainted.

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her:

- Hey lady, you are really ugly.

Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her:

- Hey lady, you are really ugly.

She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her:

- Hey lady, you are really ugly.

The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied:

- That's not good - and promised he wouldn't say it again.

When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her:

- Hey lady.

She paused and said:

- Yes?

The bird said:

- You know.

What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?
→ A little bear!

What do you call a gigantic polar bear?
→ Nothing, you just run away!

A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful he began to cry.

A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.

- I feel terrible - he explained.

- I accidently hit this rabbit and killed it.

The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit.
Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 feet away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two again, hopped down the road another 50 feet, turned, waved, and hopped another 50 feet. The man was astonished.
He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can!
He ran over to the woman and demanded:

- What was in your spray can? What did you spray onto that rabbit?

The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said:

- 'Hare Spray' Restores Life to Dead Hare. Adds Permanent Wave.

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.
He wrote:

- I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said:

- I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls.

I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too.

What did the Loch Ness Monster say to his friend?
→ Long time no sea.

What do you call an elephant in a phone box?
→ Stuck.

Why did the chicken get sent off?
→ For persistent fowl play!

What do you get if you cross King Kong with a snowman?
→ Frostbite.