Animal Jokes — worst jokes

How did the blonde die drinking milk?
→ The cow fell on her.

One day there was a blonde riding a horse. The horse kept going faster and faster until the blonde fell off, with her foot getting stuck in the stirrup. Hearing her screams for help, finally a Wal-Mart clerk came over and turned off the merry-go-round.

Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
→ Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

What does a blonde owl say?
→ What, what?

A blind rabbit and a blind snake ran into each other on the road one day. The snake reached out, touched the rabbit and said:

- You're soft and fuzzy and have floppy ears. You must be a rabbit.

The rabbit reached out, touched the snake and said:

- You're slimy, beady-eyed and low to the ground. You must be a math teacher.

Where do blind sparrows go for treatment?
→ The Birds Eye counter!

Did you hear about the blind porcupine?
→ He fell in love with a pincushion!

A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap.

When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.

The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.

The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced:

- You've got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!

The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a few minutes, he asserted:

- Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

A blind man was waiting to cross the road when a dog stopped and cocked its leg against him. The blind man felt in his pocket for a sweet, bent down, and offered it to the dog. A passerby remarked what a very kind act that was considering what the dog had done.

- Not at all - said the blind man. I only wanted to find out which end to kick.