Animal Jokes — worst jokes

What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
→ Elkaseltzer.

Turtle to turtle: "Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"

Why don't lobsters share?
→ They're shellfish.

What did the emu say to the nurse?
→ Mend her bones or walk the plank

Why did Mrs. Smokey the Bear divorce Smokey the Bear?
→ Because every time she got hot, he'd beat her with a shovel!

What are the most athletic rodents?
→ Track and field mice.

What would you get if you crossed a grizzly with the world's greatest basketball player?
→ Bear Jordan.

Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother?
→ For smoking in bed.

What purrs along the road and leaves holes in the lawn?
→ A Moles Royce.

What happened to the lizard in the wizard's garden pond?
→ He had him newt-ered.