Animal Jokes — worst jokes

What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
→ "I love you a ton!"

Why did the kangaroo love the little Australian bear?
→ Because the bear had many fine koala-ties!

What do you call two birds in love?
→ Tweethearts!

What do lovesick owls say when it's raining?
→ Too-wet-to-woo.

How did the octopus lovers walk down the road?
→ Arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm.

What did one amorous flea say to the other?
→ I love you aw-flea.

What do you call an amorous insect?
→ The love bug.

What's a cow's favourite love song?
→ When I fall in love, it will be for heifer.

Seems a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and splat... he flattened the cat.
Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants. When the housewife came to the door, said he:

- Pardon me, madame, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but I wanted to let you know instead of just driving off....

- Not so fast - says she.

- How do you know it was our cat? Could you describe him? What does he look like?

The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said:

- He looks like thts - as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression.

- Oh no, you horrible man - she replied.

- I meant, what did he look like before you hit him?

At that, the man got up, covered his eyes with both hands and screamed:

- Agggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

A magician was employed by a Shipping Line to entertain the passengers during cruises. The captain owned a parrot which always insisted on being part of the acts put on by the magician. He would perch on the edge of the stage and screech:

- He does it with a mirror

- or He's got it up his sleeve.

The magician was furious, but since the bird was a favorite with the captain and he was anxious to retain his position for future cruises, he maintained an angry silence.
One evening as the magician worked, the parrot continued to harass the unfortunate man. Sadly the ship ran into a mine which had become detached from the sea floor after a storm. The explosion tore the bow off the ship which sank within a few minutes. Amid the wreckage and the lifeboats, the magician sat on one end of a table from the first class dining room. At the other end sat the parrot, dirty and disheveled, his feathers caked with fuel oil. For some time they eyed each other malevolently saying nothing. Finally the parrot shook himself and advanced across the table. He fixed the magician with a beady eye:

- Okay, I give up - he squawked.

- What did you do with the ship?