Worst jokes

It was well known that a certain lake was very poor for fishing up north, but a game warden happened to notice that one guy kept coming home with his limit of fish on several occations. He asked the guy:

- How is it that you are catching fish out of that lake when no one else can?

The guy replied:

- Well I am going back up there tommorow, why don't you come along? And, so the warden did. They were in the boat when the fisherman reached over and lit a stick of dynamite and then tossed it overboard. BOOM!!! There were fish floating to the surface all over! The game warden freaked out, and said:

- You can't do that! That's illeagal! The fisherman reached over and lit another stick and said:

- Are you going to fish, or talk?

What did the fish say when he hit the concrete wall?
→ Damn

What do you catch when you go ice fishing?
→ A cold

If you're fishing on ice, you should never tell a joke on ice. WHY???
→ The ice will crack up!

Bob is sitting on the ice all day fishing with no luck, not even a nibble. Cold and tired he is about to leave, when a guy walks up cuts a hole in the ice beside him, and starts pulling out fish as fast a he can drop his hook in the water.
Bob can't believe it, he yells over:

- whats your secret?

- woogatkakeptewrwm - he answers back.

- what did you say? - replies Bob.

The man spits a large ball of worms on the ice and says to Bob:

- you have to keep your worms warm.

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.

The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.

After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher:

- You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!

The old rancher replied:

- Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning.

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said:

- Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?

To which the farmer replied:

- Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!

A jogger running down a country road is startled as a horse yells at him:

- Hey-come over hear buddy. The jogger is stunned but runs over to the fence where the horse is standing and asks:

- Were you talking to me? The horse replies:

- Sure was, man, I've got a problem. I won the Kentucky Derby a few years ago and this farmer bought me and now all I do is pull a plow and I'm sick of it. Why don't you run up to the house and offer him $5,000 to buy me. I'll make you some money cause I can still run. The jogger thought to himself:

- boy a talking horse

Dollar signs started appearing in his head.

So he runs to the house and the old farmer is sitting on the porch. The jogger tells the farmer:

- Hey man I'll give you $5,000 for that old broken down nag you've got in the field. The farmer replies:

- Son you can't believe anything that horse says-He's never even been to Kentucky.

There was a farmer who had a lot of live stock. He had cows, horses, chickens, pigs, and bulls.

One day a terrible twister came and the man and his family were only saved by throwing themselves in the nearest ditch. After it was all over, he looked up to see that the house was gone. Saddened by the loss, he went out to see if any of the animals had survived. The horses, chickens, pigs, and cows were laid out flat but the bulls were standing! The farmer was amazed and asked them:

- How is it that all the other animals are down and you are still standing?

The bulls replied:

- We bulls wobble but we don't fall down!

This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes to his neighbor and asks him if he could buy a rooster for $100.

The neighbor says:

- You can have this rooster. His name's Roy. He'll get all your hens pregnant. He's a real stud.

So the farmer takes him home and says:

- It's your first day so take it slow, okay?

The farmer puts Roy in the hen house and then hears all the hens crying and yelling. Roy nailed every one of those hens and then nailed a duck and a goose at a pond.

The next morning the farmer finds Roy lying dead with his legs sticking in the air and buzzards circling overhead.

The farmer says:

- Roy, did you have to die?

Roy says:

- Quiet! They're about to land!