Worst jokes

What do you call a woman with a bicycle on her head?
→ Petal!

Which Elizabethan sailor could stop bikes?
→ Sir Francis Brake!

Why can't an elephant ride a bicycle?
→ Because he doesn't have a thumb to ring the bell.

Why can't a bicycle stand up by itself?
→ Because it is two-tired (too tired).

When is a bicycle not a bicycle?
→ When it turns into a driveway.

A math student who used to come to the university on foot every day arrives one day on a fancy new bicycle.

- Where did you get the bike from? - his friends want to know.

- It's a 'thank you' present - he explains - from that freshman girl I've been tutoring. But the story is kind of weird...

- Tell us!

- Well - he starts - yesterday she called me on the phone and told me that she had passed her math final and that she wanted to drop by to thank me in person. As usual, she arrived at my place riding her bicycle. But when I had let her in, she suddenly took all her clothes off, lay down on my bed, smiled at me, and said:

- You can get from me whatever you desire!

One of his friends remarks:

- You made a really smart choice when you took the bicycle.

- Yeah - another friend adds - just imagine how silly you would have looked in a girl's clothes - and they wouldn't have fit you anyway!

The cyclist, passing a pedestrian crossing, runs into a man, and they both fall down.

- Geez, are you lucky.

- What do you mean by lucky? I got hurt really bad.

- Ah, you're lucky because I recently lost my license. I usually drive a bus.

How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.

The school teacher was furious when Brad knocked him down with his new bicycle in the school yard.

- Don't you know how to ride that yet? - he roared.

- Oh yes! - shouted Brad over his shoulder.

- It's the bell I can't work yet.

- Our bank manager can't ride a bike any more.

- Why not?

- He lost his balance.