A woman was in court charged with wounding her husband:
- But why did you stab him over a hundred times? - asked the judge.
- Oh, your Honor, - replied the defendant,
- I didn't know how to switch off the electric carving knife.
- Today is my twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.
- Really?
- Yes, I've been married twenty-five times!
Two men were remembering their wedding days:
- It was dreadful, - said Fred.
- I got the most terrible fright.
- What happened? - asked Harry.
- I married her, - replied Fred.
What happened at the cannibal's wedding party?
→ They toasted the bride and groom.
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
→ One less drunk.
At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women:
- Defendant: Your Honor, I wish to change my plea.
- Judge: Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to change your mind?
- Defendant: No sir, when I pleaded Not Guilty I didn't know there would be women on the jury. Since I can't even fool my wife, I'll never be able to fool the four women jurors.
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up:
- Oh, we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship, - the husband explained.
- She was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts.
He continued:
- She communicates well and I act like I'm listening.
- Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market, - said the man.
- Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically, - remarked his friend.
- I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me.
A man took his wife to the doctors.
After a short examination the doctor said:
- Your wife's mind has completely gone!
To which the man replied:
- I'm not surprised. She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!
Two men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. One notices the other one is putting on pair of stockings and suspenders.
He says:
- When did you start wearing them?
To which the other man replies:
- Since my wife found a pair on the back seat of the car.
