A violist comes home late at night to discover fire trucks, police cars, and a smoking crater where his house used to be.
The chief of police comes over to him and tells him:
- While you were out, the conductor came to your house, killed your family, and burned the house down.
The violist replied:
- You're kidding! The conductor came to my house?
A violist and a cellist were standing on a sinking ship together.
- Help! - cried the cellist
- I can't swim!
- Don't worry - said the violist
- just fake it.
How do you get a viola section to play spiccato?
→ Write a whole note with "solo" above it.
When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building, which one hits the pavement first?
→ Who cares!
Why are orchestra intermissions only twenty minutes long?
→ So the violists don't need to be retrained.
Which positions does a violist use?
→ First, third, and emergency.
How is lightning like a violist's fingers?
→ Neither one strikes in the same place twice.
What is the definition of a major seventh?
→ A violist playing octaves.
Why can't you hear a viola on a digital recording?
→ Recording technology has reached such an advanced level of development that all extraneous noise is eliminated.
What is the difference between a dog and a viola?
→ The dog knows when to stop scratching.
