Worst jokes

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said:

- Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.

To which the gentleman said:

- Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!

How is a heart like a musician?
→ They both have a beat :)

How do you make a bandstand?
→ Take away their chairs

An eight-year-old kid says to his dad:

- When I grow up, I want to be a musician.

The dad says:

- I am sorry -- can't have it both ways.

A saxophone is like a lawsuit.
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.

- Hey buddy. How late does the band play?

- About half a beat behind the drummer.

Did you hear about the classical pianist who was not a good speller? When she went out to buy something she left a sign on her door that said: "Out Chopin. Be Bach in a minuet"

- My neighbors were screaming and yelling at three o'clock this morning!

- Did they wake you?

- Nah.... I was up playing my bagpipes.

A down and out musician was playing his harmonica in the middle of a busy shopping mall. Striding over, a policeman asked:

- May I please see your permit?

- I don't have one, - confessed the musician.

- In that case, you'll have to accompany me.

- Splendid! - exclaimed the musician.

- What shall we sing?

One day the bass player hid one of the drummer's sticks.
The drummer said:

- finally! After being a drummer for so long, now I am a conductor!