A tourist climbed out of his car in downtown Washington, DC.
He saw a man standing near the curb, and asked:
- Listen, I'm going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?
- What? - the man huffed.
- Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?
- Well no - the tourist said.
- I didn't realize that. But listen, I'm really in a bind so I'm going to have to trust you anyway.
The President is running down the street one day, and he sees a little girl who is giving away puppies that her dog just had.
He goes up to the girl and says:
- Little girl, I think that it's wonderful that you're doing such a good thing.
The little girl says:
- Thank you, Mr. Clinton. Would you like a puppy? They're Democrats.
Bill declines and jogs onward.
The next day Billy jogs past the same girl and decides to talk to her again:
- You know what, little girl? I think I'll take one of those puppies after all, seeing as how they're Democrats.
The girl says:
- I'm sorry Mr. Clinton, but they're not Democrats any more. They're Republican now.
Bill says:
- They are? How do you know? As a matter of fact, how did you know that they were Democrats at first to begin with?
She says:
- Well, just after they were born they were Democrats, but now their eyes are open.
A reporter cornered George W. Bush at a press conference:
- Many say the only reason why you would be elected for President is due to the enormous power and influence of your father.
- That notion is ridiculous! - mocked George Jr. - It doesn't matter how powerful the man is. He can only vote once!
I want to become a politician when I grow up so I've made a list of skills I want to aquire, but I've only come up with one: Lying.
A reporter heard Bush and one of his underlings talking in the hallway:
- Mr President, how do we know for sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?
- Pres: You think we're stupid boy??? We made copies of all the receipts!!
How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?
→ One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
How many Communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Two - one to screw it in, and a second to hand out leaflets.
→ One, but it takes him about 30 years to realize that the old one has burnt out.
How many Liberal Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ None. "Well it's not really a question of should we change it or should we not change the lightbulb, but more a question of...(blah blah waffle)"
How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ One liberal and twenty eight delegates representing all the social, economic, and ethnic communities.
→ Two-one to do it and the other to keep the first one's knee from jerking.
→ None: They can't remove the old ones since they are already part of the environment.
How many Labour Party members does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ None. They haven't got a policy on that.
