A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but was not getting many.
Then, he discovered the problem; a 10 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read, "SPEED TRAP AHEAD".
The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign painted "TIPS" and a bucket of change.
A farmer who's been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim.
- I understand you're claiming damages for the injuries you're supposed to have suffered? - Stated the counsel for the insurance company.
- Yes, that's right - replied the farmer, nodding his head.
- You claim you were injured in the accident, yet I have a signed police statement that says that when the attending police officer asked you how you were feeling, you replied, 'I've never felt better in my life.' Is that the case?
- Yeah, but - stammered the farmer.
- A simple yes or not will suffice - counsel interrupted quickly.
- Yes - Replied the farmer.
Then it was the turn of the farmer's counsel to ask him questions. His lawyer said:
- Please tell the court the exact circumstance of events following the accident when you made your statement of health.
- Certainly - replied the farmer.
- After the accident my horse was thrashing around with a broken leg and my poor old dog was howling in pain. This cop comes along, takes one look at my horse and shoots him dead.
- Then he goes over to my dog, looks at him and shoots him dead too. Then he come straight over to me and asked me how I was feeling.
- Now, mate, what the heck would you have said to him?
This hillbilly is traveling across Texas when a state policeman pulls him over.
- You got any I.D.? - the patrolman asked.
- 'Bout what? - the hillbilly replied.
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar.
A $40 speeding ticket was included.
Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40.
The police responded with another mailed photo -- of handcuffs.
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says:
- Got stuck, huh?
The truck driver says:
- No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.
The Judge said to the defendant:
- I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again.
The criminal said:
- Your Honor,
- that's what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't listen.
Two guys were walking along a road in Georgia when they were struck by a police car driven by a drunken cop.
One guy was thrown through the windshield and his buddy was knocked down an embankment.
The first guy was charged with breaking and entering and the second with leaving the scene of an accident.
A cop was interrogating a very intoxicated Irishman, who was also severly bleeding.
The officer asked:
- Can you describe the person who did this to you?
The Irishman replied:
- That's what I was doing when he hit me.
The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.
- I've been waiting for you all day - the cop said.
The guy replied:
- Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said:
- I've lost my dad!
The policeman said:
- What's he like?
Little Johnny replied:
- Beer and women!
