A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out.
The egg mutters to no one in particular:
- I guess we answered that question.
- She: What do you love most, my natural beauty or my body?
- He: Your sense of humor.
An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession:
- Man: Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old.
- Father: When was the last time you made a confession?
- Man: I never have, I am Jewish.
- Father: Then why are telling me all this?
- Man: I am telling everybody ...
Why did Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley split up?
→ He wanted children and she didn't want to get a sex change.
Good: You came home for a quickie
Bad: The postman had the same idea
Worse: You have to wait
Good: The postman's early
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47
Worse: You gave him nothing for Christmas
Good: Your wife's not talking to you
Bad: She wants a divorce
Worse: She's a lawyer
Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter
Bad: She keeps interrupting
Worse: With corrections
Good: Your son's finally maturing
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door
Worse: So are you
Good: Your husband understands fashion
Bad: He's a crossdresser
Worse: He looks better than you
