Worst jokes

Is it possible to kill a mother-in-law with newspaper?
→ Yes, if you wrap an iron in it.

A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter.

Then she started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said:

- You know that fur coat you promised me Irving?

She answered by saying:

- I bought it with the insurance money!

She then said:

- Irving, remember that new car you promised me?

She answered again saying:

- Well, I bought it with the insurance money!

Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said:

- Irving remember that BlowJob I promised you? Here it comes...

What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
→ He said:

- Where am I, Cathy?

And why did that upset you?
→ My name is Susan.

Two Kentucky hillbillies happened to meet in town.

- How're thangs with y'all, Pete? - one asked.

- Not bad atall - Pete replied.

- My old woman ain't talkin' to me thiseyer week...and I ain't in no mood to interrupt her.

On the occasion of their fiftieth wedding anniversary, Billy-Bob decided to forego a big party and treat Linda-Sue to a memorable evening at home.

Quietly filling the bathtub with champagne, he called her into the bathroom and they spent a sensual evening soaking in the tub by candlelight.

When they were finished, Billy-Bob decided he couldn't let all that expensive champagne go to waste, so he carefully poured it back into the empty bottles. However, when he was finished, he found he had nearly a half-bottle too much.

He screamed to his wife:

- Linda-Sue, you NASTY BITCH, you DIDN'T?!?

Miles Dobson was away from home on business in another city. When he called home, his wife told him:

- Miles, they had your name in the obits today.

- What! In the obituary column! That's not only disgraceful but bad journalism. I'll sue 'em.

- Tell me, Miles - his wife asked tremulously.

- wh...wh...where are you calling from?

My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday.

- How is she now?

- She's fine. But, the dog died.

This fellow dies and goes to heaven. God offers to answer three questions.

- Guy: Why are girls so pretty?

- God: So you'll like them.

- Guy: Why are girls soft?

- God: So you'll like them.

- Guy: Why are girls so dumb?

- God: So they'll like you.

A young lady came home and told her Mother that her boyfriend had proposed but she had turned him down because she found out he was an atheist, and didn't believe in Heaven or Hell.

- Marry him anyway, dear - the Mother said.

- Between the two of us, we'll show him just how wrong he is.

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds?
→ Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.