- Kiss me - said the young lady urgently.
- Please kiss me.
But the young man turned his head away, saying:
- Of course not. How can I? I'm your own brother-in-law. Hell, we shouldn't even be lying here making love.
At the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided to marry a young girl of 20.
Grandpa's doctor tried to explain that at his age sex with a young girl could be dangerous, even fatal. Grandpa, not the slightest bit perturbed, replied:
- Oh well, if she dies, I'll just get myself another one.
The young couple was engaged in a most affectionate embrace when there came the sound of a key in the front door. The young lady broke away at once, eyes wide with alarm.
- Heavens - she cried. It's my husband! Quick, jump out the window.
The young man, equally alarmed, made a quick step toward the window, then demurred.
- I can't - he said. We're on the thirteenth floor.
- For heaven's sake - cried the young lady in exasperation. Is this a time to be superstitious?
Two storks on a nest, a father stork and baby stork. Baby is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him.
- Don't worry Son, your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy.
The next night, it's father's turn to do the job.
- Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies.
A few days later, the stork parents are desperate, their son is gone from the nest all night. Finally, shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask their son where he had been all night.
Says the baby stork:
- Awww, just scaring the shit out of college kids!
How can you tell if your girlfriend is frigid?
→ When you open her legs the lights go on.
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
→ Because she gets a frog stuck in her throat at 69.
What is a yankee?
→ A quickie, but you do it yourself.
What two things in the air will get a woman pregnant?
→ Her legs.
What is the similarity between a woman and a washing machine?
→ They both leak when they're fucked!
Which of the following doesn't belong?
- (a) meat
- (b) eggs
- (c) wife
- (d) blow job
(D) A blowjob, because it's possible to beat your meat, your eggs or your wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.
