When the milkman found a note on one of his customer's doors asking for 16 gallons instead of the usual quart, he rang the bell.
- Sorry to bother you, ma'am - he said - but are you sure you want sixteen gallons of milk today?
- Oh, yes - said the lady of the house.
- I'm going to take a milk bath.
- Do you want it pasteurized?
- No, just up to my tits would be fine.
Why did god invent alcohol?
→ So fat women can get laid too.
How is a woman like a road?
→ Both have manholes.
How is a woman like an airplane?
→ Both have cockpits.
What do you call a truckload of vibrators?
→ Toys for Twats.
Why is psycho-analysis so much easier for men rather than women?
→ Because when it comes time to revert to childhood, men are already there.
3 pregnant women were waiting in the doctor's waiting room for an antenatal check-up and were all knitting garments for there respective babies.
Suddnely the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch, pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one...
- What was that? - the other two ask, curiously.
- Calcium tablet. Good for mommy, good for little baby - she replies, patting her stomach affectionately.
Satisfied, all 3 continue with their knitting...
5 minutes later, the second one stops knitting, checks her watch, takes a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one..
- What was that? - the other two enquire.
"Vitamin tablet", she replies, "Good for mommy, good for little baby" and she pats her stomach affectionately.
All 3 smile and continue busily with their knitting...
5 minutes later, the last woman stops knitting, checks her watch, takes a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one..
- What was that? - ask the other two..
"Thalidomide. I can't knit sleeves..."
Why are girls like pianos?
→ When they're not upright, they're grand...
Why do they call it PMS?
→ Mad Cow disease was already taken.
Why do women get PMS?
→ THEY JUST FUCKING DO ALRIGHT!?
