Worst jokes

What do Israeli soldiers do when they get bored?
→ They go over to the West Bank & the Gaza Strip and get stoned.

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. "Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them." "That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."

A 10pm curfew was imposed in Belfast. Everybody had to be off the streets or risk being shot.

However one citizen was shot at 9.45pm.

- Why did you do that? - the soldier was asked by his superior officer.

- I know where he lives - he replied, and he wouldn't have made it.

An American tourist is visiting China. After visiting all the tourist attractions he decides to inquire about the people and askes his guide:

- How large is the population here?

- Around 1.5 billion - the guide answers.

American, after a short pause:

- So, what else do you do here?

An American was waiting on a London street corner. An attractive English girl was passing by when a gust of wind blew her dress above her waist. "A bit airy, isn't it?" remarked the American. Hearing this, the Cockney girl replied indignantly, "'Ell yes! What did you expect - feathers?!"

This aussie caught this Kiwi having a bit of fun with a sheep.....

- Mate - the aussie said.

- Over there we shear them

The kiwi replied:

- Mate, I'm not shearing this with innyone

How do you play Iraqi bingo?
→ F18... B52... F18

What do you call a Highlander with four sheep?
→ A pimp

A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of the Scottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary about the way of life there.

- Reporter: Hello there, excuse me, I'm from the BBC and I'm gathering material for a documentary about the way of life in the remote parts of the Scottish Highlands. You look like an interesting fellow, perhaps I could interview you?

- Scotsman: Certainly...

- Reporter: Well, perhaps you could start by telling me your name?

- Scotsman: Well now there's a story. Y'know I deliver the mail round here, but do they call me Donald the Postman? No they don't. You see those fine crofts up on the hill there, well, I built more than half of them myself, but do they call me Donald the Croftbuilder? No, they don't. And did you pass the nets down in the harbour? Well, I made several of them, but do they call me Donald the Netmaker? No, they don't. But, I tell you, a moment's weakness with just ONE sheep ....

What's brown and has holes in it?
→ Swiss Shit.