Worst jokes

You would be able to hang over 64,000 ornaments on your tree (all identical) at the same time.

The holiday season would cost $16 million but would be celebrated faster than any other holiday during the year.

Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted item from an authentic Civil War pewter ornament collection. Each ornament would weight about seven pounds, and require you to pay shipping and handling charges.

Their Personal Xmas-ing Device, which would be barely larger than an ornament and flat, would allow you to celebrate the season with a device attached conveniently to your belt.

Your ornaments would have a secret trap door that only the NSA could access in case they needed to monitor your tree for reasons of national security.

The ornaments would be large perfectly smooth and seamless black cubes. Christmas morning there would be presents for everyone, but no one would know what they were. Their service department would have an unlisted phone number, and be located at the North Pole. Blueprints for ornaments would be highly classified government documents. X-Files would have an episode about them.

"Baby's First Ornament" would have a hand-crank that you turn to hang the thing on the tree.

Wait a minute? Isn't IBM running this Christmas..?

Ornaments would be priced slightly higher, but would hang on the tree remarkably quickly. Also the colors of the ornaments would be prettier than most all the others. Options would be available for 'equalization' of color combinations on the tree.

It would do everything the Microsoft ornaments do, but years earlier, and with a smaller mouse (not stirring of course).