Worst jokes

What is the biggest oxymoron of the 1990's?
→ Microsoft Works!

Yo Mama is so fat that when she sleeps around the house, she sleeps AROUND the house.

Yo Mama is so fat and old, when God said "Let there be light" he immediately said to her "Get your fat ass out of the way."

A woman's three biggest lies...

1. You're the Biggest.
2. You're the Best.
3. It doesn't always taste like that.

A hooker was explaining her lifestyle to a girlfriend:

- I put on stocking on one leg. One stocking on the other leg, and between the two I make a living.

Why does Hellen Keller use one hand to masturbate?
→ Because she uses the other to moan.

How many polish people does it take to milk a cow?
→ 9, four to hold the legs, four to hold the udders, and one to tell them when to move the cow up and down.

Every once in a awhile, this couple would tell their 2 children, Scott (the older one) and Andrew that they were going to go upstairs for a bit (to do their little freaky thing).

One day Scott got curious to what they were doing up there, so the next time they said that they were going to go upstairs he very cautiously followed them.

He peeked in through the crack in the door and whispered:

- Hey Andrew, come look at this. Guess what the woman who told us never to suck our thumbs is sucking?!

There are three girls in the Fifth Grade. There is a blonde a brunette and a redhead.

Which one is the probably the smartest?
→ If you guessed the blonde you were correct.... she's 19 years old!

What is the difference between pink and purple?
→ The grip, man, its all in the grip!