School — most viewed jokes

Tyler was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom.
So, Tyler raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused.

Of course, the teacher said yes, but asked Tyler to be quick.
Five minutes later Tyler returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. "I can't find it," he admitted.

The teacher sat Tyler down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. Tyler looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.

Well, five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher, "I can't find it." Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who has been at the school for a while, to help him find the bathroom.

So, Tommy and Tyler go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats.

The teacher asks Tommy, "Well, did you find it?" Tommy is quick with his reply, "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."

- Teacher: Why are you reading the last pages of your history book first?

- Pupil: I want to know how it ends!

An ideal homework excuse

- Teacher: Where is your homework?

- Pupil: Our furnace stopped working and we had to burn it to stop ourselves from freezing

What's a moo hoo for grazing school?
→ Grass class!

Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains?
→ He had to keep track of everything!

What do they call a bunch of Mississippi football players standing in a circle holding hands?
→ A dope ring.

Why don't Purdue athletes eat pickles?
→ They can't get their heads in the jar.

College meals are generally unpopular with those who have to eat them - and sometimes with good reason. "What kind of pie do you call this?" asked one student indignantly.

- What's it taste like? asked the cook.

- Glue!

- Then it's apple pie - the plum pie tastes like soap.

What do college students and deer have in common?
→ They both stand in the middle of the road and stare at your headlights.

Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change.

Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust.

Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile.

The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers.

Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity.

"What on earth did you do that for?" shouts Frank. "You know he's only going to use it on drugs or booze."

Matt replies, "And we weren't?"