Random joke from this category
Tad answered the Tennessee State frat house phone.
"Hi," said the voice, "this is Rollie. Come on over, we're having a real wildass party."
"Shit, Ah'd shore love to," said Tad, "but Ah got me a bad case of gonorrhea."
"Bring it along!" answered Rollie. "The way thangs is goin', mah buddies'll drink anythin'!"
- Mother: Did you get a good place in the geography test?
- Fred: Yes, Mum, I sat next to the cleverest kid in the class.
"Where's the car?" asked Professor Delbert's wife when he got home.
"Did I take it out?"
"Yes, you drove it to school this morning."
"I suppose you're right, my dear. I remember now that after I got out, I turned to thank the man who gave me a lift and wondered where he'd gone."
A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form.
A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says, "Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!
"What else do you have?" asks the student.
"Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist.
The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.
Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?"
The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment," goes back into the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plunks it on the counter.
"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.
The pharmacist replied, "Well, you know math always was a little hard to swallow."
- Teacher: Give me three reasons why the world is round
- Pupil: Well my dad says so, my mum says so and you say so!
An ideal homework excuse
- Teacher: Where is your homework?
- Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had
Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy."
The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying, "Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies."
A few days later, the stork's parents are desperate: their son has been absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he's been all night.
The baby stork says, "No where. Just scaring the hell out of college students!"
A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.
The pharmacist says, "Here's a pill for English literature."
The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!
"What else do you have?" asks the student.
"Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist.
The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects. Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?"
The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment." He goes back into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the counter.
"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.
The pharmacist replied, "Well, you know ... math always was a little hard to swallow."
A survey was being taken on the University of Arizona campus.
The survey taker asked a soccer player, "What do you think of bilingualism?"
"Oh, I think it's okay," said the boy, "if it's between consenting adults."
How do bees get to school?
→ By school buzz!
