School — most viewed jokes

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

Playing truant from school is like a credit card
Fun now, pay later!

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"

A small voice from the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher; she's still old, nasty, and wrinkled"

- Father: You were absent on the day of the test?

- Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!

Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
→ Because his class was so bright!

An ideal homework excuse

- Teacher: Where is your homework?

- Pupil: Some aliens from outer space borrowed it so they could study how the human brain worked

- Teacher: That's the stupidest boy in the whole school.

- Mother: That's my son.

- Teacher: Oh! I'm so sorry.

- Mother: You're sorry?

What do history teachers make when they want to get together?
→ Dates!

What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
→ Third Grade.

- Teacher: Does anyone know which month has 28 days?

- Pupil: All of them!